Gabor Mate wrote the foreword in my book, Unlock The Door. He embodies wisdom. This is a TedX talk loaded with information about trauma, addiction and more. Well worth the 16 minutes.
Sometimes searching for a "Why" leads to more pain.
Some "Why's" have no answers.
Sometimes the struggle to create an answer is less than helpful.
Sometimes focusing on something new is the answer.
Sometimes we think too much.
If you are not thinking differently than others, you will end up traveling the path of those around you.
Are you creating a path or following a path?
Does it matter to you what path you are on?
I was once told I would be a Jack of all trades and a Master of nothing...I'm handling it-call me Jack.
I do what I love, as often as I can, and do it prior to being perfect-because I will never be perfect, in anything. I have many faults and I have failed many times. I am handling it.
Jack is going to sleep now-she has an appointment to write/read early tomorrow morning. I wonder what you would say if I asked you, "What would you like me to write about next?"
Find your path and believe in yourself just enough, to take a step. One step. One action to move into who you truly wish to be.
Since Unlock The Door-Beyond Sexual Abuse was published I haven't been partaking in lot of book writing. Quite frankly, I was exhausted by the 420 page marathon. When combined with a number of other things happening in my life, the process was grueling. However, I certainly learned a considerable amount about 'how' to will write and deliver a book. UTD is still an infant and I am now talking to publicists and publishers in order to swim in the ocean verse treading in my pool. (I welcome input).
Post UTD I shifted into a musical persona and have written all or in-part well over 100 songs. Is that what silencing something for thirty years, then opening it will do? As a mentor, Rosemary Phelan, said to me, "When you are ready the songs, which have been waiting inside of you, will express themselves." Music is now an active part of who I am and I will continue to experiment with my voice and music. Frightening as it is to me some-days, a CD is in the works.
Back to books--I am passionate about writing and sharing. As 2015 quickly approaches I am being pulled into another book-or two. In saying that.....
I am currently booking interviews with themes regarding: confronting the offender/reporting the abuse/why I never told/and/shame.
The next book will be the second in the UTD series. If you are not familiar with my book, "Unlock The Door-Beyond Sexual Abuse," you can read the first 100 pages by subscribing here:
If you are/ or know someone who would like to share/contribute a part of their experience to serve others, please send me an e-mail at firstname.lastname@example.org and write UTD2 in the subject line.
As the evening fades into the bedtime hour, my list of things to do is hardly touched. Yet, I am compelled to cease my progress in order to release my purging thoughts.
Easter weekend was a blessing. Good people with big hearts welcoming this loner into their lives, homes and hearts. Love those people.
There was a twist, however, to my time spent in my hometown of Kingston. It was Saturday night and time for a walk. I followed the path presented to me. We talked casually about this and that, but my mind wandered to a time long ago. It was like walking into an old vision of a young me. We were both there. Calm yet very focused.
I knew the first time I visited Sandy, at Christmas, that she had found a place to call home in the very area I wrote about in Unlock The Door-Beyond Sexual Abuse. My perpetrators neighbourhood. On this walk I felt we were being lead to the house I watched in my chapter.
At one point, Sandy continued to walk straight and I said, "This way." Left we went. I could feel it-that knowingness that just is. It's beyond understanding and reality . You already know, but you still need to go get the proof.
The corner house. It was a big lot. I remembered the corner, the lake down the road off in the distance. The garage, old even thirty years ago-gone. My eyes fixed on what I knew would be, we rounded the side. There was the door. The door he had once lead an innocent me into, the door I had refused to enter, the door I watched from the locked car-for what seemed a very long time. The door, left side. The door. That was the door-that was the house. The apartment behind the door-dirty, nasty, confusing. That was where Alan Stoneham lived.
I don't think Sandy knew what to make of it all-but she held the space and I appreciated her listening.
Nothing. Nothing else. That was the house. Nothing. No feelings. I knew I would see it one day-and there it was. It's the same as the picture imprinted in my mind for a lifetime.
I am so very different than that little brave girl. She amazes me. She was so afraid, yet had the courage beyond her years.
My journey today is a result of my experiences- mostly a result of my actions afterwards. I gained a lot of strength and determination because I said "No." I had a voice, even in silence.
I was silent for a long long time. Now, I am not and will never be silent again. There's too much work to do. Too many need a voice to follow-to believe in.
What is healing? I wondered for years if I was okay. Really? Even in writing UTD and participating in group work, for people who had experienced sexual violations as children-was I headed? I thought so, most days.
I think I reside somewhere between what Sylvia Fraser and Dr. John Demartini said in UTD. Sylvia said, she was in a place of 'benign indifference' and John said there is nothing but "Gratitude, love and Thank you."
What happened to me as a child happened. It's my story, but it's not something that comes with a ball and chain. It's there, but I feel overall pretty healthy. I don't often think about what happened-I think a lot about serving others and helping them think as little about their abuse, as I do of mine.
John's beliefs, are tricky to navigate, unless you have spent time with him. I would not change what happened to me. Not because I condone it or minimize it, but because I would not have so many amazing people in my life in the absence of it-not to mention I would not have lived much of my life as I have....I can't change my past. I don't want to. Who would I be? I like who I am/becoming... I can say "Thank you" (asshole) (ooops, that was my other self). I love my people and would endure it all over again to keep you in my life.
All this does not mean I would ever wish the violations I experienced on any child. It's disturbing - abuse. Turns my stomach to think that another fifty year old child is looking for their house of closure.
To My Extended Community,
Thank you for taking a moment to read this.
This Tuesday and Wednesday, Feb 18th and 19th, my book Unlock The Door-Beyond Sexual Abuse, will be drastically reduced in price (.99 cents) in an effort to make it aBest seller on Amazon. I would very much appreciate your support. Raising the profile of this book will mean that when people search for help, to overcome sexual trauma, Amazon will automatically display it as a top-ranked book in its category.
My goal, in addition to writing an educational, inspirational and timely anthology, is to contribute to a shift from silence to openly talking about the challenges facing people who experienced sexual abuse as children. (1 in 3 girls and 1 in 5 boys before the age of 18).
By purchasing a copy of, Unlock The Door-Beyond Sexual Abuse (Kindle), you will join a community making a massive difference in the lives of many people who are seeking to create awareness of the epidemic of sexual abuse.
The book can be bought here:
http://www.amazon.com/Unlock-The-Door-Beyond-Sexual-ebook/dp/B00F66OATA/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1392609300&sr=8-2&keywords=unlock+the+door+-+beyond+sexual+abuse (Amazon Kindle).
VERY Much appreciated.
If this resonates with you please forward it along to anyone who you think it would serve.
Author, Unlock The Door- Beyond Sexual Abuse
To receive the first 100 pages of UTD go to:
For further information/testimonials about Unlock the Door-Beyond Sexual Abuse see below:
The way to begin resolving trauma is to talk about it, to bring it to the light of day. As one of the contributors in Unlock The Door states, "When one person's words flow and another person listens, magic happens." In this book people speak and we, the readers, listen. And we must listen.
Gabor Maté M.D.
The main theme in the book is the focus on healing and moving beyond victimization as well as educating others about this devastating social issue. Survivors of sexual abuse often feel isolated and alone, Unlock The Door gives a voice to those who have not yet spoken, by allowing us to remember that we are not alone.
Unlock the Door provides readers with a courageous, candid and unflinching account of the heart-wrenching lived experience of child abuse. Through sharing her own and others’ stories, Deb Maybury provides validation and hope to survivors whose lives, through no fault of their own, have been shaken body and soul. Her writing is terse, her point sharp and abundantly clear. Victims need a justice system that better serves their needs and more services capable of supporting their journey to wellness.
Dr. Fred Matthews, psychologist.
I was introduced to Deb Maybury’s “Unlock the Door: Beyond Sexual Abuse” while participating in a treatment program for adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse at the Gatehouse in Toronto. I lived with the internalized shame of sexual abuse for 35 years, and it wreaked havoc in my life as it manifest in problems with addiction, depression, and suicide attempts. When I first entered the treatment program, I had no “vocabulary” to express what I was going through as all of those deeply buried emotions began to percolate to the surface.
When I started to read “Unlock the Door: Beyond Sexual Abuse”, I felt as though I were reading my “own story” told over and over again in the different voices of those who had shared their stories with Deb. I can’t express how vital it was in my early stages of treatment to “identify” with others who had lived through childhood sexual abuse. It was as if I had finally “arrived home” to a safe place.
Unlike a lot of books and materials dealing with the issue of childhood sexual abuse, Deb Maybury’s “Unlock the Door: Beyond Sexual Abuse” empowers the people living with and through this trauma by giving us a voice. I believe this book would be a valuable resource for not only survivors of sexual abuse and their families but also those working in the field of trauma and those considering to pursue a career in the field.
This is an important resource for those who are willing to listen very attentively to what it is like to be betrayed and to be sexually molested/abused. I bought this as reference material for a documentary project I'm working on that deals with drug addiction and sexual abuse/violation.
Please consider buying this book and carefully taking the time to read it slowly.
B. Bachand "HermeneiaMonger"
This review is from: Unlock The Door - Beyond Sexual Abuse (Kindle Edition)
Sometimes the door to our personal centre is closed.
Sometimes the door is open.
Why are there doors?